Life has become increasingly difficult as my independence is eroded away and I’m at the point where I’m putting off going to bed because I dread having to face a new day. Then on the other hand, I don’t want to wake up in the morning having to face a day either. Catch 22.
I have withdrawn into myself and I’m sorry to say am ignoring friends and family as I don’t want to burden them with my problems or my daily grind.
Simple everyday tasks are eluding me and challenging my patience. My morning shave, shampoo and shower drains me and tires me out and more often than not I forgo it. Holding a utensil, a cup or a piece of paper is trying and my hands and fingers only last so long before becoming claw like and I have to take things slowly. Yes, I have all the help that I could ask for but my sense of humour and adventure recoils backwards at the thought. It’s one thing to have Chrystelle help me with a shower but I do not want anyone and everyone to do that or to sit at the table and be fed. That’s the line I’ve drawn and it’s an indelible line. I’ve been used to moving the goal posts of late and it worked for a while and each day's win was hard fought but even I know that the war has an inevitable outcome.
For now each day is taken as it comes but tomorrow is an entirely different story, unknown and unwanted. As long as I can retain my dignity and not spill my coffee then it’s all good.